Albert Einstein had a book called The World as I See It. It was a collection of his letters, articles, and speeches. One of them was the essay that gave the book its name. I want to write my own “The World as I See It”.
I am writing this to organize my thoughts. And to write down the things that are important to me. To hold myself to them. To remind myself, when I am low, what strength it is that pushes me forward. What my way is. I hope not to lose my direction. I hope to keep my courage and my curiosity.
And though I am still young, I think I have walked a long road in my mind and in my heart. I have crossed mountains and seas, seen the most beautiful sights of the world, and explored lands where no one has been. I have known the joy of discovery. I have tasted a solitude that comes from the deep universe. I have been through a pain that whipped the soul. I have felt the cold and warmth of the crowd, and I have felt the heat of a true embrace that touched the spirit. For a long time, I have felt that many souls live inside this young body. One of them, a heavy one, is that of a wise old man who has weathered the storms of life. I often think of myself as a hermit in the city. A seeker of the Way.
If a reader finds some resonance here, some encouragement or insight, that would be a good thing too.
On Politics
I have never seen myself as part of a country or a people. I see myself as a citizen of the world. Or maybe an alien. I belong to nature, to the sky, to the sea, and to the cosmos.
For as long as I can remember, solitude has been my companion. But I do not feel lonely. I am distant from crowds and groups. I have never wanted to belong to a collective, and I have no interest in grand narratives. I like to entertain myself, and I am good at it. I enjoy the pleasure of exploring and discovering things, and I can find this pleasure in everything. I am good at seeing and learning the good in others. Whether they are people near me, or figures like distant lighthouses, or the scattered lights in history books. I find I can always learn much from all kinds of people.
Since I was small, I have known that I am lucky. In a high school classroom one afternoon, I listed dozens of my blessings in a notebook and was thankful for them. My greatest luck was to be born in a time of peace, in a place of relative peace. But as a woman born in a remote mountain village, I did not have much. I lived with my grandparents for my preschool years. We rose with the sun and rested with the sun. And though I did not have much, and had far less than many friends my age, I was still grateful for everything I had. I was content.
In the Analects, I read, “A simple bowl of rice, a gourd of water, living in a humble alley. Others could not bear the hardship, but he was not deterred from his joy.” I think I am like that too.
I believe in the free development of people. I oppose any power that limits a person’s lawful freedom. I support the freedom of speech. I oppose totalitarianism and dictatorship. A person has the freedom to express political views. A person has the freedom from fear.
I believe the basic job of a government, inside the frame of a democratic constitution, is to protect the rights of its citizens. To use tax money responsibly under the watch of the people, for the good of society. I long to live in a society where everyone can live and work in peace, where the old are cared for and the young are supported. Of course, a utopia does not exist in the real world. It is only about finding a good balance in all things. And the foundation for this balance is a democracy, because it can always correct and improve itself. A dictatorship lacks a good way to correct itself over time. It lacks strong oversight. It lacks a true separation of powers. Even when it chips away at the lives, property, safety, and freedom of its citizens, there is no brake mechanism. This is a great potential danger. It is not a good thing for a government to have too much power.
I do not support a full ban on the death penalty, but it should not be used lightly. I am neutral. I believe the right to life is a natural right, and no one, including the government, can take another’s life. But I have learned about some criminals in history, sociopaths who did terrible things. And I believe taxpayers have the right to decide not to waste their money on housing such criminals for life. If such a person were to escape, they would be a great danger to the lives and property of the people. But the death penalty should be very restricted. It should not be used lightly. Except for these extreme cases that cause great harm, the life of a criminal should not be easily taken.
I support the legalization of euthanasia, with strict conditions. If I were to get a terminal illness, I would want a dignified way to leave the world on my own terms, not to be tortured by endless pain in a hospital bed. But a country or region must be careful in making euthanasia legal, based on its social development, and the quality and education of its citizens. It must not be misused.
I support the legalization of same-sex marriage. I think marriage is an old-fashioned system, but when most people in the world have the right to marry, sexual minorities should have the same right. A marriage certificate is not just about getting society’s approval for a relationship. It also gives a partner the right to sign for major surgery. It gives protection and division of property under the law. You do not have to hire a lawyer for a long and complex notarization. For now, it seems a convenient and good choice.
I oppose the legalization of prostitution and the buying and selling of organs. I know that whether I support it or not, prostitution will not disappear. That is how people are. But I am against making it legal. That is my view. On one hand, it brings great harm, both physical and mental, to the sex worker. Legalizing it would make the related gray and black markets grow, and human trafficking would increase. These are facts in countries where prostitution is legal now. On the other hand, when sex can be legally bought with money, it encourages the objectification of people. It poisons some people’s minds, making them seek only animal desires and give up on finding and building equal and loving relationships. This is a road of no return.
I oppose war and anything that promotes it. I oppose any war started for any reason. War is brutal, far beyond what one can imagine. And peace is very precious. People born in peacetime often forget this, so history repeats itself. I believe that judging people and putting them in different classes for any reason is the start of many great evils, including war, genocide, and ethnic cleansing. I believe that clearing out the so-called “low-end population” is a crime.
After reading Invisible Women, the many facts in the book showed me the shocking state of how women’s rights are ignored and treated unequally across the world. It showed me that the situation for women in the real world is much worse than I knew. I hope this will always remind me, on my path in life, of what I can do within my power.
I believe people need faith. Whether it is faith in a religion, or faith in truth, goodness, and beauty, or faith in justice and truth. A person without faith can easily drift and become a walking shell. Faith gives a person direction again when they are lost. No matter how dark it gets, the light of faith will cut through the darkness and haze, shine on us, and keep us company as we walk forward.
Against All Hierarchies
Many people use school rankings to choose a school, subject rankings to choose a major, and career rankings to choose a job. What their personality is, what their interests and passions are, what their values are—none of it matters here. It is as if their life was put into a template the moment they were born. Every day after that is just acting out a script that is the same as everyone else’s.
The purpose of studying for Chinese people has always been for practical gain. The slogans are all about studying for fame and fortune, for the rise of the nation, not to satisfy curiosity. The goals of many people are also from a template: a house, a car, a partner, a child, and endless comparison with others.
I do not want that kind of life. I am willing to be a different person. I am not afraid to be a different person.
I oppose all forms of looking down on others. This includes all hierarchies, all attitudes of superiority, and all accusations and moral pressures from a so-called moral high ground. Be kind to others and strict with yourself. Morality is for oneself, not for demanding of others.
A disclaimer: Everything I say is for my own discipline. I can show sympathy and understanding for people and their actions in all kinds of situations, but I cannot admire them all. Not admiring is not the same as criticizing. It is simply a matter of different tastes, a simple truth.
I do not like to look up to or down on others. Nor do I like to be looked up to or down upon. I believe in the absolute equality of all people, regardless of race, age, gender, sexual orientation, and so on. I respect everyone. I see everyone as an equal individual, the same as me. This needs no condition. It is not something to be “earned.” It is my default setting. But if someone does something I find truly despicable, they will probably lose my respect. We are still equal as people, but I will not like them. And I will not get close to them or build a relationship with them.
The comment function on social media gives many underdeveloped people the illusion that it is the same as “leaving a review after buying something.” I bought the thing, so I can write a review. I saw this post, so I can comment on you from any angle in any way. The nature of comments should be a tool for communication and exchange, not for reviews to show likes and dislikes.
Freedom and Happiness
For me, making big decisions is not a hard thing that takes a lot of back and forth. For me, freedom is the most important thing. Then comes the happiness that freedom brings, and the joy of discovery. I can spend a long time thinking, building my own system of values. Then I spend a short time making a decision. And then I spend a long time carrying it out. Because I know what my most important principles are.
I choose to spend most of my energy on myself, not on others. I choose to spend most of my energy on thinking and doing, not on hesitating. It is easy to just criticize (including from a moral high ground). It feels good to just type. But it is hard to do the difficult things. Like challenging and realizing oneself. Like creating something great. Like building influence and starting a charitable foundation to bring real help to real people. I will surely choose the harder paths.
I will choose to leave an environment that is not free. I will leave a relationship that makes me feel not free and not comfortable. For me, freedom and happiness go hand in hand. They create and destroy each other. For me, happiness without freedom is not happiness. And freedom without happiness does not exist at all.
Freedom includes freedom of thought. It also includes financial independence and freedom of character. The freedom to say no to anything you do not want to do.
I am more emotionally free than I was in the past. I used to resist sadness, thinking it was a sign of weakness. After I went through many emotional peaks and valleys, fell into a long depression, and reached the abyss, I learned how important it is to let emotions flow freely. Whether happy or sad, you must admit your true feelings. Denial will not make the hurt go away. Daring to admit it is also a kind of courage. Only after you admit it can the wound begin to heal.
For a person, just making life longer is not interesting. Because for anyone, the quality of life in the last stage (from a few years to a few decades) is quite bad. Instead of making life longer, one should think more about how to make life better.
A happy atmosphere is really contagious. Not a silly happiness, but a feeling full of life and energy. I think I am sometimes like that when I am with people, very cheerful. Happiness is also an art of life. To be able to find beauty in the ordinary. To be full of curiosity, to have some humor, to understand beauty, to be sincere. Then you are a small artist.
Life, Luck, and the Meaning of Persistence
After reading so many biographies of famous people, stories of great and accomplished people, I know how important the course of history, luck, and talent are to a person’s success. But from the individual’s point of view, the effort of those people in the stories was also far greater than that of ordinary people and their peers. Yes, there are many people who have better luck, more talent, and work harder than you. If you keep moving forward on this path, you will meet such people.
From my own subjective point of view, what I can control is my own time and actions. What I can control and change is myself. History has its own course, and I have my own will. I say again, this is a way of self-discipline. I will not use it to blame others for not working hard (this goes against the principle of equality mentioned earlier). It is to demand of myself not to simply chalk up the achievements of others to “luck.” Although for most people this is a very good psychological comfort, do not stop there. You must see more than this. If I stop there, I will never improve.
Luck is a lever. More important than luck is the ability to find and seize it. And 0 times 10,000 is still 0. I must work hard to give myself such a lever, to make luck come to me. To grasp the lever is to grasp the key to my own destiny. Not to passively accept, but to actively change.
If the success rate of trying something is 10%, and let’s say it costs nothing to try, then the probability of succeeding at least once in 10 consecutive tries is 65.13%. The probability of succeeding in 20 tries is 87.84%. And the probability of succeeding at least once in 38 tries reaches 98%.
And people are very good at learning and growing from mistakes and failures. You absorb the experience from past mistakes, and then you try again. You will find that you grow surprisingly fast. The success rate of each try will keep increasing with experience. So, in reality, the number of tries needed to reach a 98% success rate will be much less than the initial estimate.
This is the meaning of persistence. It is also the meaning of not letting unknown difficulties defeat you. And there are many things in the world where the cost of trying again and again is very small. The key is to find and actively look for the real opportunities, and then keep trying and testing.
Life is a game for the brave. Only by giving it your all can you win it all.
Risk Management
Risk management is not just a concept in investing. To live your life well, you should put risk management first. Making mistakes is not scary. It is certain that people will make mistakes. But you must build a good system of understanding and execution to prevent the possibility of a life-imploding event from which you can never recover. Black swan events will happen, and they happen much more often than people think. A once-in-a-century event does not happen once every 100 years. It means that every year, there is a 1% chance of it happening.
As my understanding has grown, I have come to realize that many of the things I have been doing have always been about risk management. Because what I have always pursued is freedom. But in fact, freedom and risk management are similar things. Low risk for high return is a kind of freedom. Low cost but high reward is freedom. Low risk, low cost of trial and error, high fault tolerance is freedom. A good attitude means a high tolerance for your own and others’ mistakes, which is a kind of emotional freedom. There is the freedom to do what you want to do, and the freedom not to do what you don’t want to do.
I said before that from a probability standpoint, persistence has meaning. But gambling is an exception. For example, the probability of success in buying a lottery ticket once is much less than 1%. And the odds do not increase with experience. It is a negative-expectation game. If you play enough times, bankruptcy is certain.
Managing your personal risks, managing your family’s risks, managing the risks for the next generation—these are also expressions of love. Managing your family’s risks is not about keeping them in a greenhouse. It is about systematic prevention. This includes regular health check-ups, frequent communication in life, and good risk management and reasonable allocation of assets. When there is a problem, find it early. Do not wait until it is too late and then regret it.
On Intimate Relationships and True Love
People today probably overestimate the value of romantic love, and underestimate the power and healing that a good love can bring.
I think the ranking of the power/healing/happiness that different relationship states can bring is:
A very good love > A self-sufficient single state >> An ordinary intimate relationship >> A bad intimate relationship.
I cannot give a precise definition of love. But I am sure that true love is not a template, not a formula. It is not a list of dozens of items where checking them off means it is true love.
True love must be something like this: before you truly meet it, you cannot imagine what it looks like, what shape it has. You cannot imagine what kind of experience it will bring you. Until you meet it. You know it is something special enough. But you have searched through dictionaries and all the great books, looked for all the interviews on the subject, and still cannot describe your experience well. You can only tentatively, with a nervous heart, define it as “love.” As time passes, your feeling about this definition goes from nervous and uncertain to gradually sure, and finally, to certain.
A good love should not only stir your emotions. It should also be a very effective tranquilizer for the spirit. So I must also love reading, thinking, doing research, painting, and taking pictures.
Although open relationships seem interesting, I still long for that one-on-one, long-term relationship. The kind where after many years together, there are still stars in your eyes when you look at me. The kind where you cannot help but smile when you mention me to others. You may not be the best in the world’s eyes, but you are a very, very good person. And in my eyes, you are the most special being. There are so many stars in the sky, but my heart is set on only one.
And I believe that only a very few people with extremely high emotional and mental intelligence can love many people at the same time and handle the relationships with ease. Whether it is an open relationship or a polyamorous one, it is a very difficult thing. Most other people are probably just using it as an excuse to date and sleep around. If someone in a marriage suggests opening it up, they have probably already cheated.
The most precious thing in this world is a true heart. And the rarest thing in a true heart is a child’s heart that can glimpse another’s soul.
Why is true love so rare? A big reason is that a true heart is hard to find. First, there must be truth. Then, there must be love. Some have only truth but no love. Some have only love but are not true enough. Only when the two are one can you reach the state of true love. You have to be true, and you have to be lovable. So you are truly lovable.
What I Admire Most
I cannot be attracted to someone whose heart is not strong enough. I like a strong character. Someone with a tenacious life force, a good aesthetic sense, who is not arrogant or insecure. Someone who is excellent but does not enjoy showing off their superiority. Someone who is kind and not aggressive. And some special traits that are different from others. An untiring curiosity. A great vision. A serious devotion to what they love.
And a very important point: to be honest with oneself and with others.
What I admire most is my “ideal self.” I think I can do about 85% of the things above. This also shows that I really like myself. It does not matter if others judge me or not, or how they judge me. It will not shake my position in my own heart. It is not about whether a specific thing is right or wrong. You could say this is the foundation of self-confidence in one’s character. All other ways of doing things are built on this foundation.
A person will only see what they want to see, not the real world. Everyone is influenced by their own biases.
But I only want to be a lovable person. Because the world seen by a lovable person is also lovable.
The human qualities I cherish most: courage, kindness, sincerity.
I think an important sign of a person’s character growth is whether they can truly recognize the existence of the other. To realize that you are not the center of the world. No one is obligated to meet your needs at all times. No one is obligated to like and approve of you. When I care for the people around me, it should not be for the purpose of getting them to like me. It is because they are important people to me. I care if they are troubled. I hope they can be happy.
When I learn and grow to be a better and more excellent person, the main purpose is not to gain the admiration and approval of others. It is because learning and growing bring happiness. Even if a person is excellent and strong and has few flaws, others still have the right not to like them. Otherwise, it becomes a form of passive control. One must recognize the existence of the other. We are all equal, and we each have different needs. Everyone has to go through this stage of growth. And then most of your troubles will disappear.
Values as an Aesthetic Standard
A shared aesthetic is more important than shared hobbies. It is a better way to tell people apart. People are divided into groups by their aesthetics. A broad sense of aesthetics includes both your view on “whether a concrete work is beautiful” and your views on abstract things, your values, and so on. It shows in whether you agree with these views.
A shared aesthetic is a higher level of abstraction than shared values. A person might not know about something yet. But if they already have their own aesthetic standard, when they first learn about that thing, they will form their own value judgment. People with a shared aesthetic will come to similar conclusions on similar value judgments.
People with shared interests might not become friends. Because there may be many things that conflict, and they will go their separate ways sooner or later.
But with a shared aesthetic, if A finds something beautiful and shares it with B, B can also understand and appreciate its beauty to some extent. They do not need to have the same interest. They have already met at a crossroads and are now walking on the same path.
A person’s style of language also shows their aesthetic. Some people write like poetry. Their expression is sincere and lovely. Others use foul language, making you wonder if it is the language of a human. If a person’s style online, while anonymous, is similar to their style offline, you can say they are consistent in word and deed. That person is relatively reliable. If a person’s anonymous language and behavior online are foul, no matter what they are like offline, they are someone you want to stay away from.
In my view, the most important qualities for a good creator are an extraordinary perception and a heart that can find truth, goodness, and beauty. Other things, like the desire to express, creativity, and aesthetic sense, are not mysterious. They are skills that can be learned and practiced. But the former cannot be achieved through effort alone. If you think creation is a mystery, it is only because you do not have a deep understanding of what it is.
I feel that my life is a journey in search of beauty. The beauty of the ultimate theory, of a fine character, of beautiful landscapes, of delicious food… The beauty in the instant and the eternal, the ordinary and the great, the real and the illusion, good and evil, submission and resistance. If I cannot find it for a while, I will sculpt myself and create my own work. I am an observer, an admirer, and a creator.
Later, I happened to read that Zhu Guangqian wrote something similar:
Life itself is a broader form of art. Each person’s life story is their own work. This work can be artistic, or it can be not artistic. Just as with the same piece of rough stone, one person can carve it into a great statue, while another cannot make it into anything useful. The difference lies entirely in one’s nature and cultivation. A person who knows how to live is an artist, and their life is a work of art.
— Zhu Guangqian, On Beauty
I Am a Tree
The state of being “useless” is the freest. I do not ask anything of anyone, and no one asks anything of me. I love Zhuangzi’s “Free and Easy Wandering.” I have always said I want to be a tree. It is this kind of tree. A useless tree. A free and easy tree. A tree that grows as it pleases, undisturbed.
Now you have a big tree and are worried that it is useless. Why not plant it in the land of Nothing Whatsoever, in the broad and barren wilds? You can wander aimlessly by its side, and sleep free and easy beneath it. It will not be cut down by an axe. Nothing will harm it. Since it has no use, what trouble can it have?
Of course, on a physical level, I am surely kin to plants. On sunny days, my mood is bright. Without sun, I tend to feel blue.
I also love this cypress tree in Walden:
I read in the Gulistan, or Flower Garden, of Sheik Sadi of Shiraz, that “They asked a wise man, saying; Of the many celebrated trees which the Most High God has created lofty and umbrageous, they call none azad, or free, excepting the cypress, which bears no fruit; what mystery is there in this? He replied; Each has its appropriate produce, and appointed season, during the continuance of which it is fresh and blooming, and during their absence dry and withered; to neither of which states is the cypress exposed, it being always flourishing; and of this nature are the azads, or religious independents.—Fix not thy heart on that which is transitory; for the Dijlah, or Tigris, will continue to flow through Bagdad after the race of caliphs is extinct: if thy hand has plenty, be liberal as the date tree; but if it affords nothing to give away, be an azad, or free man, like the cypress.”
My Worldview
To return to the theme at the end. Einstein wrote in My Worldview:
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed to me empty. The trite objects of human efforts—possessions, outward success, luxury—have always seemed to me contemptible.
I am willing to take this as my guiding motto.
When poor, attend to your own virtue in solitude. When successful, share your goodness with the world.
I know I cannot express “my worldview” in full detail. Perhaps I will revise it in the future. But the basic frame presented here will not change. These will be the colors of my spirit, lighting the road ahead. I know that with these thoughts to accompany me, whether I have companions on the road or not, I will never be truly lonely.
Postscript
As I wrote this, my watch reminded me several times that my heart rate was abnormally high. I am always like this. When I am immersed in something, I forget myself, forget time, forget place. On Christmas afternoon, writing these words at a sun-filled desk. I wrote from daylight to darkness. The sun set behind Mount Fuji, and the curtain of night was drawn. The indoor lights of the vast residential area gradually appeared. The sky grew dark. The flame inside my heart burned steadily, giving off a firm, gentle, and not glaring light.