Hello 2020

January 1, 2020 #Musings

The close of a year often feels a little melancholic, but the dawn of a new one always brings a surge of hope and vitality. That’s why I consistently title my annual reflections ‘Hello XXXX’—and this marks the second entry in this blog series.

Throughout life, many of us find ourselves needing to escape something—be it family, school, or even friends. For me, the past year was largely dedicated to one pursuit: escaping time itself.

What did I do this year?

In short, nothing.

This ‘escape from time,’ to put a positive spin on it, means refusing to be swept along by the current. To be less charitable, it means being idle, a societal wanderer. I resisted the conventional wisdom of ‘graduate and get a job.’ I needed to feel a sense of agency over my own life, to discover meaning in work that went beyond mere income. Otherwise, I knew that being forcibly propelled by the relentless current of time would only extinguish my passion for living.

This year, I moved to Hangzhou and truly began living on my own. It granted me extensive periods of undisturbed solitude, offering a precious chance to confront myself.

During this period, I was lucky enough to land a remote part-time gig. While it still didn’t quite cover my expenses (primarily because my work ethic wasn’t exactly burning bright), it provided an invaluable sense of security. It allowed me to enjoy my days guilt-free, even when income was sparse. (Truthfully, it was Alipay and JD Gold that truly kept me from starving, haha.)

My days living alone felt akin to retirement; everything slowed to a crawl. I’d spend hours lost in thought, reading, writing, sketching, and taking leisurely walks. I’d ramble to myself on Twitter, dedicate considerable time to reflecting on my past, and occasionally meet friends or even arrange photo shoots with strangers. I truly felt the ebb and flow of seasons, the daily shifts in wind and clouds.

Through this process of introspection, I arrived at a crucial realization: For a long time, I’d believed I was unloved, and even unworthy of love. Yet, that couldn’t be further from the truth. My ability to grow into such an optimistic, confident, and joyful person surely stems from being nourished by love. I’ve received it from family, friends, classmates, teachers, and countless strangers. While my circle might not be vast, every person I’ve met has been unfailingly kind and delightful. I consider myself immensely lucky and feel a constant surge of gratitude for all of it.

I feel a profound sense of strength.

As my Twitter friend @wjianjvn aptly put it in a tweet: “The most vital task in life is to re-center and integrate your past experiences, seeking out evidence of love from parents and family within them, and cultivating gratitude for the care and assistance received from others. This journey can re-immerse you in connection and love, restoring your confidence and sense of security, allowing you to then fearlessly explore life’s meaning and uncertainties.”

I believe I’m ready to embark on the next chapter.

What do I want to do?

This past year, I’ve constantly posed these questions to myself: What do I truly desire? What is it I genuinely want to do? For many months, at least, my consistent answer was: I don’t want to work (haha).

My ultimate aspiration is not to work at all. Failing that, I’d pursue freelancing, then remote work, with a traditional 9-to-5 office job being the last resort. Ultimately, I dream of a day when I can sustain myself through what some might call ‘unconventional pursuits.’

Actually, this year I also maintained one consistent practice: posting daily trivia, or ‘cold facts.’ Aside from this past month, where I’ve admittedly been a bit lax, averaging one post every two days, I previously updated daily without interruption, accumulating over 300 fascinating tidbits. While other trivia accounts rely on submissions to keep their daily rhythm, I manage it all myself—because an insatiable curiosity about everything is simply my daily state of being.

What I truly want to do is continuously experience, and to learn all sorts of knowledge and skills, both practical and seemingly impractical. I want to perpetually nurture this boundless curiosity, to delve deeper into the world around me, and to learn to love more people and more things—which, incidentally, is the very essence of the name Philo. If, along the way, I can bring joy and energy to others, that would be my ultimate blessing.

Beyond that, I aspire to help others. I want to inspire more people to fall in love with reading and to truly experience the joy of discovery. I want to ignite their curiosity about the unknown, guide them towards finding their true passions, and rekindle their enthusiasm for life. Above all, I want them to realize just how many fascinating things this world still holds!

What can I do?

I’m perfectly clear that I have no desire to be just another cog in the machine. I need to find both joy and a sense of value in my work, and ultimately, I want to become a content creator.

Goals that are too abstract are ultimately meaningless. For me, at this current stage, a practical and achievable goal is to become a general science video blogger. I envision using animation to make complex topics in humanities, social sciences, natural sciences, and everything in between, accessible to a wider audience. This aligns perfectly with my passion for sharing knowledge, allows me to harness my boundless curiosity and broad interests, and enables me to continue doing what I love most. Moreover, it embodies the freelance lifestyle I aspire to. I truly believe this kind of work is an ideal fit for me.

As a chronic procrastinator, I can’t say exactly when I’ll start producing content officially. After all, my aim is to create exceptionally high-quality work, benchmarking myself against the very best YouTubers out there. I’m currently still fleshing out the finer details of the plan, but the overall direction is now firmly set. Having navigated past that period of uncertainty, I truly believe the future holds immense promise.

Another significant achievement this year is that reading, which was once just a casual pastime, has truly blossomed into a genuine passion for me.

I read a total of 65 books this year, predominantly in the social sciences. My hope is to build on this momentum and delve into an even wider array of disciplines moving forward.

A sentiment I shared last year, I echo to myself once more this year.

Goodbye 2019, Hello 2020. In this new year, I earnestly hope to continue living life exactly as I please (and I actually succeeded last year!).

{% centerquote %} Do not set your heart on things that are fleeting: for after the caliphs’ tribes have vanished, the Tigris will still flow through Baghdad. If you are wealthy, be generous like the date palm; but if you have nothing to give, then be as free as the cypress. — Walden {% endcenterquote %}